Wednesday, August 18, 2010
“You like the marks left by the waistband when you pull down your panties. You like the label which is sometimes a loop of nylon and sometimes a flat tag.” Miss D was picking up the thread from Miss B about turning Panties’ brain into a pair of panties. (With a big box of popcorn and sitting with Miss C) Miss D had listened to Miss B’s lessons on how Panties should allow herself to turn into panties, how Panties should aspire to the oblivion of being a pair of panties lying on the bed, being a pair of panties fluttering to the feet of a pretty girl, being a pair of panties being hand-washed, being the various components of a pair of panties. She imagined a spelling bee where Panties would suffer a specific disadvantage: “The next word is “onomatopoeia.’” “P-A-N-T-I-E-S.” “I don’t think you heard me clearly, the word is ‘onomatopoeia.’” “P-A-N-T-I-E-S.” “I’m sorry, you’re going to have to sit down.” Or Panties would compete in a special spelling bee where she has to spell panty-related words: ‘Maidenform,’ ‘Vanity Fair,’ ‘Wacoal,’ ‘Vassarette,’ ‘leghole,’ ‘crotch panel...’” Miss D previewed Panties’ yoga training, how, dressed in a her pink leotard or unitard, she would concentrate on how her panties were stretched and contorted with each successive pose. Miss D lectured Panties on how to relate to her Barbies according to their panties: “You like how Surf Barbie wears swimsuit style panties. You like how Mika Barbie wears Hawaiian style panties.” This led into Miss D’s main lesson, teaching Panties her unique way of relating to women, including women she used to be attracted to: “When you walk into a room of girls you won’t be interested in the girls except as a reason for there to be panties in the room.” Panties was given an assignment involving two girls she had been dating most recently, Nealy and Lee. Panties’ homework was to write individual poems about their panties. Both girls would receive special pink envelopes one of these days, or perhaps be treated to a personal recital at Panties’ debutante soiree.