Thursday, December 31, 2009
Miss C took Panties shopping. It seemed casual enough, it was like shopping with a friend, although she did make a point of speaking so that all within earshot could hear her comments: “I think this bag is perfect for a sissy!” But she wasn’t interested in what Panties might have bought on her own and instead steered Panties to a modest day’s purchases, things a girl might buy: purse, boots, jeans. She taught Panties about pockets and waist size, helping her choose four girl’s jeans and escorting her into the dressing room where they eventually settled on a pair of tight, low rise, boot cut, Malvi Zoes. Later as Panties hung her new jeans in her closet, she realized how she was being imprinted with a girl’s sensibilities. Whereas before she was more obviously aware of panties, heels and skirts, she was suddenly regularly noting the handbags and women’s slacks and leggings on the street and in advertisements. Miss C could (and will) readily dress Panties in bloomers and petticoats, but she had gently expanded Panties consciousness and wardrobe, better equipping her for the years of errands and service to come.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Panties sat on the pink sheets as Miss C sat up in a tangle of bed covers. Nearby were the pink-and-white-and-black nylon panties Miss C had given her for no clear reason. Tongue-tied and nervous, Panties tried to convey her version of a lover approaching the object of adoration. It was a unique and private plea, essentially an audition, which Miss C listened to with her usual gentle thoughtfulness (overcast with her usual slow morning disorientation as her body temperature recovered from its nocturnal lows). She noted Panties’ in her maid’s uniform, kneeling before her and finally spoke: “You’re never going to be my boyfriend. I much prefer you as a servant. We’re developing a kind of friendship where you serve me. You’ll get to be close to me [to do my work] We’ll be very close, just like a couple, but without the sex. I think you should go make me my coffee now.” When Panties returned with a cup of hazelnut coffee (with sugar and soy milk) she again talked about how lucky would be her boyfriend or lover. How wonderful it would be to be the one to kiss her good morning. Miss C sipped her coffee and said, “You can kiss my panties.”
Sunday, December 20, 2009
If you turn in the right circles, you might have met Miss C at a certain fancy townhouse where there is live music and liquor and naked models. Miss C prefers when they hold a pose for at least half an hour and modestly complained that she was “out of practice” with her charcoals. Everyone was curious about the new girl although she is not the type to call for the spotlight. Later she drew a sketch of Life Size Barbie. Over the next several days you might see her adding to the portrait: a bit of shading, or single stroke of color...
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Miss C who looks like a young and prettier version of Laura Linney took Panties to a play last night. Panties was dressed in Miss D’s red wrap top with a short black print skirt. The play was funny and profound, and afterwards Miss C allowed Panties to drink red wine with her in a dark, atmospheric trattoria a few blocks away. Panties listened to her talk about her boyfriends and art and her life. At one point she glanced down and spoke very intently:
You’re out in a skirt and bare legs and panties. You are wearing pantihose. Everyone sees you as a lady.
Walking in her pumps, feeling the extreme cold on her legs, Panties felt very glad to be out with this pretty, clear-eyed gamine, as her girl friend, out for a night at the theater.
Friday, December 18, 2009
She had the delighted look of a woman with many needs in the presence someone dressed in clothes which obligate the wearer to serve. “You may kiss my hand,” she said. Before long, the apartment was decorated with pink post-its in her stylish cursive: “wash me,” “iron,” “mend me,” on small piles of her clothes; “secretarial duties, retype first and second page so it is stain free. Ask for other details.” She hung the pink scarf over the blank face of the television and draped the pink Barbie panties over the turntable. Like Miss D, Miss C left her dirty dishes and clothes everywhere knowing they would be taken care of.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Miss D decided Miss C would stay with Panties for a few days so that Panties could learn to relate to her properly. Panties was moved into the closet, sleeping on Barbie sheets and pillowcases, and Miss C was given full authority to use Panties for any of her needs. As when Miss D visits, Panties must knock and ask for permission to come into the presence of Miss C. Panties got her two maids uniforms ready as well as her pink leotard and pink check bloomers. Further, Miss D had Panties go to a specialty store and purchase a big basket of Miss C’s favorite snacks. When the two girls visit, Panties is not allowed to enjoy their company as one of the girls. Rather, she is a shadow, silent, attending to their needs quickly and with love. Recently Miss D and Miss C, with Panties in attendance, discussed the future in terms of how Panties might be of maximum service to their ambitions and daily comforts. They didn't ask for her input or even behave as if she were in any way a party to what is to happen.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
If you ever get to hear Miss D you will remember her lovely intelligent voice, her precise diction, and the startling way she can playfully reach for a higher octave or adjust her cadences. Sometimes Miss D is able to make Panties’ head turn pink with a single word (reins) or by the dragging on a word rhythmically, almost hypnotically. As when she was impressing on Panties exactly how she thinks of Panties’ transformation (another word she flicks like a sabre):
....underneath those collared shirts and thick shoes and socks, you-are-a-trans-ves-tite. You-wear-panties. People see you and don’t realize you are wearing a costume, but they sense it. Even when you are dressed normally as a woman, you are not quite dressing as in female clothes, normally.
Then, commenting after reading the entry for November 1 (and unaware even, of the fairy wings hanging in the back of Panties' closet) detailing Panties’ dilemma on Halloween, noting how special Panties must feel wearing a costume all the other days of the year:
Didn’t you dress in your m*n costume for Halloween? How cute. So you didn’t get to go out as Tinkerbell, or a tampon or a flagrant transvestite?
There was a thoughtful pause and then she said slowly, and with amusement:
I think that can be arranged. You’d be embarrassed to have to go out as Tinkerbell without a valid reason. The valid reason of course being I ordered you to do so. Where could you go as Tinkerbell? Hmmm. Maybe we can send you out with a basket of fairy dust and flowers. You could go up to women and ask them for a date. Wouldn’t that be fun? After (a day out as Tinkerbell), you’d be happy to go home and dress normally and do my work....
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Miss C sat Panties down for a lecture much like girls hear from their mothers, all about feminine hygiene, but with an occasional sharp elbow (such as her directive for Panties to experience an accident while out and about, and constant references to “your period,” “your cycle,” “your cramps,” “your feminine needs,” as well as the obvious implications in her having Panties sit quietly and submit to such an extensive one-way talk). Panties learned all about tampons, applicators and non-applicator, as well as organic brands and extra-green options, such as sea sponges. Panties was assigned a book about ancient historical practices where women were consigned to a red tent to menstruate onto straw which was changed by the young people of the clan. Miss C also showed Panties various menstrual cups (internal catch-devices), showing her how a one-use brand folds for insertion, holding it under a trickle of water so Panties could see and hear its capacity. She asked Panties to purchase one so she could have her own manual routine, filling, emptying, regularly and rinsing her own menstrual device each month. Miss D came in and suggested Panties stock up on a full line of menstrual products including heat pad and medications so to make her as knowledgeable about her body as any woman.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Panties has added one new shopping venue to her favorites, which curiously, seem to be looking much the same as Miss D’s. Panties is getting offers from Calvin Klein, Sephora, Mario Badescu, and Miss D’s very favorite dress store. She also felt a little pang when she opened her mail box to find the latest Victoria’s Secret catalog, giving her something in common with how many women around the world with an interest in pretty lingerie.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Most of the world’s best sleepers wear nighties. If you ask around, you will find nightgown-wearers more often reporting a good-night’s sleep. (Compare with sleepers in coarser outfits.) Panties has added a pretty red nightie to her favorite three. This one is red nylon, full length, and complicated with a lacy diaphanous panel at the bust. It’s second-hand so it has that soft, thin, silkiness which new nightgowns rarely have. Worn with panties it stains your dreams and reddens the next morning and into the afternoon, at least.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Panties remembers how Miss J (Miss Jessica, as opposed to Miss J, who Panties is friends with) used to use her powerful phone to photograph Panties in every sissy pose. Sometimes to make a point, she would send Panties an image of her standing in women’s clothes, without makeup or wig at at chic boutique, or fully visible in her pink bikini. Panties was constantly aware of her camera phone filling up with her in skirts, lingerie, and leotards, which Miss Jessica would use to gently and not-so-gently demonstrate her authority. Once, in a café, Panties dared refuse one of her more unreasonable orders. Miss Jessica simply disappeared into the boutique across the street. Panties’ phone rang and was told Miss Jessica was about to send several of her “prettiest photos” to several of Panties’ friends and acquaintances. Panties had to beg Miss Jessica (in a high voice, loudly so that the girls at the neighboring table could hear) for her to return so that Panties could show her respect and obedience. Recently Panties left Miss D a voice mail complaining generally about her sissification. Soon after her phone lit up with an image of Panties getting her eyebrows done by a pretty girl. Panties hadn’t even noticed Miss D nearby, silently taking the photo.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
The reason Panties had such hopes for Miss C was her initial hesitancy, almost to the point of inarticulation, about directly benefitting from Miss D’s program. “You get the best of both worlds,” she once said. “You get to serve (Miss D) and it's almost like working with me, in a way, once in a while, while serving (Miss D) as your main trainer.” The implication though, was an invitation to some non-sissy relationship.
This week Miss C spelled Miss D and impressed upon Panties just how thoughtful a friend Miss C could be. “I want you to put on a white or light colored skirt,” she began, “Then I want you to go to your refrigerator and take a spoonful of strawberry jam and smear it on the back of your skirt. Then you’re going to go like that to your local health food store...” Miss C is very knowledgeable about holistic remedies and recommended several herbal remedies for Panties’ cramps, which she would discuss candidly with the store personnel, perhaps a sympathetic female clerk. Panties’ period is not for another week at least but she would understand the inconvenience and embarrassment when her body decides when to remind Panties of her womanhood.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Miss B’s training had been less subtle, but extremely effective. As the walls closed in around her, Panties would find her escape routes barred with Miss B’s training which she had fashioned around a devastating lexicon. Apart from her Barbie dolls, posters, toothpaste, sheets, quilt, clock, and clothing, apart from menstruation and the expectation of her coming out parties and wedding, Panties could no longer refer to herself as a m*n (the opposite sex), or use the personal pronoun, having become in multiple senses, “Panties,” which was both thing-like and super sissy reminder. Her wenis and vagina had been named and she had become reeducated as to the meanings of “squirt,” “flesh-to-flesh,” “getting wet,” and “opposite sex.” Miss D has added to Panties’ personal vocabulary: “manners,” “humble,” “debutante,” with her precise diction giving new spin to essentials like “panties,” and “transvestite.” Again Panties becomes aware of the bars forming around her world with a new front opening to the west as Miss C adds her distinctive sensibility. She has already described the petticoat she wants Panties to wear under her debutante dress, and more recently asked Panties to purchase a pair of bloomers. “You’ll wear this so you don’t show your panties, when you’re bending over or cleaning on your hands and knees,” she said sweetly.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Miss D and Miss C are both very generous girls, which is part of their eco-liberal-idealistic makeup. Panties envies their boyfriends and friends who also benefit from their penumbra of kindnesses. As BFFs, though, Miss D and Miss C’s mutual care is something Panties can only sigh and admire from a distance. When Miss C received a $50 gift certificate, she immediately thought to share it with Miss D. Half of it. They know each others sizes and are always on the look out for something the other might like whether at Victoria’s Secret or Whole Foods. They share ideas and intimacies and hopes and worries. It was only a matter of time before Panties was offered to Miss C on a much more than loaner basis. She was embarrassed how quickly she learned Panties’ most private secrets, forshadowing Miss D’s remark about what Panties might have under her panties. Miss C made a face, a little like something a little rank had appeared before her, and said: “I don’t imagine anything sexual down there at all. To me, (Panties) is like a eunuch.” And soon after Miss D wrote Panties about wearing a flesh-colored leotard so she could “truly look like a eunuch.” This made Panties remember her days of girdle training when she would have to flatten out beneath the punishing grip of her long-leg panty girdle with its crotch panel sewn up with pink thread to frustrate any kind of easy access and making the simple act of visiting the ladies room an athletic event.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Miss D followed the girly comments to Jeanie Love Jones and watched a bunch of her videos cleaning house. She loved the cute maid’s dress and the shot of her with a feather duster and down on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor. Miss D She thought it might be nice if Panties and Jeanie were working side-by-side someday. “Maybe she can be your girlfriend,” she mused. Miss D wouldn’t commit as to whether she meant girl friend, or girlfriend. The idea of Panties and Jeanie at the beck and call of two pretty girls is pinkening like a sunrise. http://crossdressersdiary.blogspot.com/?zx
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
“I don’t keep much from (Miss C),” said Miss D. “When one of us gets an idea we take it and it goes back and forth until it is really (becomes huge).” Panties had not accounted for the combined power of two girls together. Miss J and Miss B had teamed up, but they were never that close. Miss D and Miss C were close to the extent that each would consider the other before spending a gift certificate on themselves. And rather than Miss C being the one to defend Panties from sissyhood, it had become clear Miss C could be as serious as Miss D. Especially when something Miss C said appeared in Panties’ personal lexicon. An email from Miss D: “Don't you already have a leotard? Or do you want a flesh colored one so that you undress and truly look like a eunuch?”
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Panties has been searching for a new residence for herself and Miss D. Miss D informed Panties that Panties' current residence has too many m*nly reminders, and is too small. To ameliorate these issues, Miss D is sending Miss C to Panties current residence (which Miss D often refers to as her own) to burn any m*nly articles Miss D finds distasteful. Meanwhile Panties and her barbies are fielding many messages about properties for sale. Miss D has explained that the kitchen must be large, shiny, and bright--perhaps tiled with a mosaic behind the stove, stone floors, and marbleized counters--reminiscent of Tuscany. The kitchen is very important says Miss D, as that is where Panties will be spending most of her time.
Dear Miss Panties,
Thank you for your sweet e-mail. I am writing in order to express my pleasure in your performance. You are adequately listening to my needs, the mark of a good woman. Thanks for the (second) floral bra. Congratulations on your success as a society woman. You give excellent gifts, which I have received. By the way, we now have matching panties. I could not resist the pink polka dots and lace. Your duties as a maid, secretary, and rising womanhood is not going unnoticed. I am delighted to hear that you are dedicated to your training, which is not a game. I imagine the pink scarf accented your attire quite elegantly. D may have informed you that we have our eyes on a hot-pink gown that would flatter you and could be your debutante gown... We have been listening to the tape and finding delight in it. Please do not worry about whether I think it is abuse or not. You asked for the training, therefore it is not abuse. With that in mind, I am honored to train you to be the best woman you can be.
Friday, November 13, 2009
E-Mail From Miss C
Miss D and I have been discussing our roles with you. It appears that we all have matching undergarments, hence I must be a co-trainer in the event that D is busy and needs me to take her place. Yes, you will not be my boyfriend, but you will be my sissy maid and I have plans for you. When do I start your first in-person trainings? Miss D thinks that it should be soon, since I do not have adequate employment eating my time away and so you can have your own time for the holidays. Pontificate on this. Thanks for checking Miss Panties. I'll ponder this possibility and explain the dilemma (regarding a research assignment she requested). By the way, you must visit xxx.com. A pair of ruffled black panties with pink polka dots is calling you. Please remember to hug your barbies. I would be delighted if the Miko Hawaiian barbie is included in your collection.
All the best,
Thursday, November 12, 2009
She clearly understands words, just the way she enunciates the pinker ones, like “panties,” and “bra.” Speaking “panties,” in any of the colors of her voice, she could direct Panties as if she were her marionette. She had read “A Boy’s Bra Training,” the classic story by Marlissa (http://www.nifty.org/nifty/transgender/chemical/new-boys-bra-training) about a young juvenile delinquent taught manners by his teacher who outfits him with a remote training device and forces him to come to school as a girl and on cue, work the words “my training bra” into her conversation:
“The next day, at my cue, he raised his hand. We had been discussing adjectives. How would he make a connection between his training bra and adjectives? I recognized him. "In a way, adjectives are things that make others things pretty, is that right, Ms. Hardy?" "How do you mean Miss Fox?" He blushed again. "Like my training brassiere makes my figure prettier? Like that?" Again, the class broke down.”
Miss D knew that Miss B had trained Panties around certain words. Panties had been “panty trained” as well as put through bra training much like the boy in the story. Miss B made Panties hang a bra significantly, right at the front door, explaining in her sing-song way, “That bra’s not just for hanging there. You are to put it on as soon as you come in.”
Recently at dinner with her second-best friend Miss R, Miss D joked that “maybe Panties will buy you a bra, too.” Miss R has a sharp mind which her sweetness sometimes obscures, and she shot Miss D a look, knowing something was up. What she didn’t know about was how Miss D had given new meaning to bras, at least for Panties. Just before leaving on a trip, Miss D instructed Panties to shop for two identical bras at one of her favorite stores. “When you put on your bra, you will know that you’re being trained by me even from a distance. You’ll think how maybe I am wearing the same bra and feel less lonely.” From then on, Miss D would frequently refer to “your bra,” “your favorite bra,” and “your cup size,” when speaking to Panties. Panties was made purposefully aware of the cup size, not only of Miss R, but of Miss D’s BFF, Miss C. Panties was slow to understand the plan. Her hopes had been lifted by Miss C’s sweetness and encouraging words, and Panties thought secretly she might subvert how Miss D would have her friend relate to Panties. She knew Miss C would not be bullied by Miss D and was counting on this for protection. Then one day, Panties found Miss B’s favored bras on sale at one of her favorite stores, and bought one for her and on a whim, Miss C. She also reflexively bought one for herself. Soon after, Panties was surprised when Miss C sent her an email with a detailed research assignment. Later Miss C explained: “Even though (Miss D) is your trainer, I understood that by sending me a bra, you were inviting me to train you as well. So my email is my accepting your service on my behalf.” This was the first of several such emails to come.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Panties was reminded recently just how lucky she is to have such a kind trainer. Miss B had a thing about cockroaches and maggots and snails which were a regular part of the regimen. Panties had forgotten how long ago, Miss D had been in the audience as Miss B put Panties through her training dance and recital. Maybe Panties had hoped she had forgotten until recently Miss D remarked: “You should appreciate (how easy) things are.. Remember when you had to bark like a dog? Drink wine from a cat dish? Aren’t you glad I haven’t made you do that?” Panties wasn’t sure, but she had probably glimpsed the pink dog bowl Panties had hidden away on a high shelf and was definitely glad she prefers other kinds of amusements. She did make a crack about leading Panties around the park on a leash and recently said she likes to give Panties a little slack so that she is “able to feel the pull and tug of the reins.”
Friday, November 6, 2009
Panties’ spent the weekend putting away her drab inappropriate wear and sorting through the clothes which best suit her. Now when she looks in her main closet, she sees the lighter colors of the spring, with a distinctly pink shift. She went out of her way to choose a pretty pink little radio she can take out of her purse to catch the latest health alerts and fashion news. Miss D has taught Panties her favorite stores around town and on-line. She has asked Panties to go to Victoria’s Secret for a fitting and to purchase a hot-pink bra which will go well with the color scheme she has planned for Panties’ little room she will someday be living in.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Miss D had asked Panties to mend Miss C’s hand-crafted bathing suit. Thanks to circumstance and Panties' lack of foresight, the bathing suit was lost and soon after she received this email:
(Miss C) would like this from Victoria's secret.
Black skirted mini scoop size small $28
Black paisley wireless push up tankini top xs
The studded sandals on that page are pretty hot too...as are some of
the cover ups.
Also, what are your sizes? This could be useful information. And what do you wear on the beach? A pink bikini (I almost spelled it "binki"; I think it would be cute if you called a swimsuit a "binki"? A pink tankini? And old woman style bathing suit--maybe a little
retro? One piece? Swim dress?