Jealousy

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Back to School

 

"Maybe I'll send you to beauty school," said Miss D as Panties filed her toenails. Earlier, she had predicted sewing and knitting lessons as part of Panties' future wardrobe skills. Miss C spoke of Panties learning to weave. She also, very seriously intended Panties to take belly-dancing lessons. This presumably would be after her classes in cooking, and when she's finished the last page of Miss Manners.

Tonight's Lesson

 
Panties was dressed semi-sissy, nothing to overtly connote female clothes, not even carrying her purse (which she is more and more frequently). The guy was a bit cautious at first, but he quickly dropped his guard and began to relate to Miss D the way any straight real m@n would. They talked at length ignoring Panties entirely. Miss D came alive, playful and a bit deferential, playing her part as a girl would with a real m@n. Panties could only seethe silently, trying to pretend she didn’t care, that she wasn’t wearing panties underneath. But she also felt Miss D’s training wash over her and she began to think about how pleased Miss D would be if Panties swallowed her jealousy watching a real m@n take liberties with the female, and instead rendered that jealousy as a girl, jealous of her pretty friend who gets all the male attention. She should be happy that Miss D was enjoying herself after many hours with a sissy. Just before he left, they posed for pictures. The m@n put his arm around Miss D’s waist. Panties felt a flash of intense resentment and then regret. She couldn’t help thinking how very m@n-woman was that pose, almost like holding hands, and how that must feel, and how Panties would never ever get to stroll with her hand-in-hand or stand watching the moon with her arm around Miss D’s slim waist.

Osiris

 
She was much prettier than her namesake, the Egyptian god of the dead. Panties and Miss D were enjoying her intelligent discourse and flirty charm. Panties was dressed “semi-sissy” in panties, girls socks, girls slacks and a black girl’s Hanes Her Way shirt, her head covered with a hat which you wouldn’t think female unless you really looked at the cut or the lining. Later Panties was surprised when Miss D said, “She really couldn’t tell you were dressed in women’s clothing... I think you should go up to her wearing lipstick and start talking to her in your high, sissy voice.” They had discussed earlier how Panties should more explicitly and more honestly relate to women face-to-face, but Panties wasn’t expecting it this direct or this soon. Panties tried to distract Miss D, counting on her not to follow through. As it turned out, Osiris wasn’t on duty the next time they stopped by. But her colleague was, who also wore pink and who was blonde, petite and even more beautiful than Osiris.

You're a sissy...

Miss D is training Panties not to think of her sexually. She will
take off her panties and bra in front of Panties and walk around as
if she were with Miss C or any of her girl friends. “You will see me
not as someone you could ever kiss or relate to intimately. Instead
you will be jealous of me that you can’t attract the same attention
from men or wear the kind of pretty clothes I can.” This would be
easier if she were overweight or less perfectly featured. But Panties
is learning to envy, rather than hope to ever touch, her lush hair,
fair skin, perfect lips and girly curves further down. She’ll never
hear her talk the way girls do to a guy they really are into, but
she’ll get to hear the perfect diction of her commands and comments:
“You’re a transvestite.” “You’re a sissy.” “I want you to get down on
your knees and file smooth the bottoms of my feet.”

The Perfect Penis

 
Panties was accompanying Miss D, getting used to walking with her as her assistant and accessory, when the conversation turned to m*n and m*n’s bodies. Panties’ ears were burning as she listened to an extended, detailed review of various of Miss D’s lovers, some crooked, some with an ugly wattle of skin under, but also one perfectly beautiful penis she remembered the way you might a song, or a rainbow. She matter-of-factly spoke of his/its perfection, how when he/it was in her he/it was so perfect and pleasurable. She smiled and wondered if she had ever seen it other than in a state of attention? (It is impossible to imagine any straight real m*n not being ever otherwise when in the presence of Miss D, even fully when she is clothed.) What bothered Panties most was that her own panties became wet listening to the story of the perfect penis. Miss D was very entertained to hear this and speculated that Panties would get wet for things like that, and for a few other “private” matters (see shadow blog) that Panties was already being trained to accept. Miss D had already declared explicitly how Panties was transitioning to someone who already prefer a lady’s panties to her body. In a small fit of defiance, Panties put up several Playboy images on her walls. Later she whined to Miss D about having what arouses her imposed so brutally. There was a pause on the phone and Miss D said something that sounded like, “There are lots of things that I don’t want to do that I have to do....” followed by a sound that’s not exactly a laugh, but a pleasant sound she makes when she’s amused.

Training

 
Although this might go for several hundred dollars, I want you to think about how it might make me happy to wear such luxury. When you look at the total of all of our training thus far, you should be grateful that it hasn’t been even more severe. You once asked me to think of this as my job and train you ruthlessly all year. You should be happy that I'm starting to plan activities, my classes and yoga etc. that you are entirely responsible for. You should know you've asked me in some way to use you in the way I'm using you. You should be happy that you're becoming a better secretary as the days go by and one day you'll be a great secretary and move up to a full-time position as my personal assistant--and when I become successful in all my endeavors you'll be the sissy behind the woman.

Wardrobe

 
Miss B was most pleased to dress Panties in things she’d never get caught dead wearing, like crepey housedresses and elastic waistband high waisted slacks. Miss D prefers Panties to dress professionally and fashionably, almost as her accessory and extension of her career. She and Miss C have patiently taught Panties about shoes and hair and outerwear and underwear. “Shoes and lingerie are the most important,” said Miss D. “Shoes because they support everything above and if your feet are comfortable your day goes much better. And if your panties and bra fit well your clothes will look and fit better.” She likes the red and black and white print skirt worn with a simple white top. Panties' underwear drawers are full of elastic straps and pastel nylon fabrics. Her closet bristles with skirts and colorful fabrics.

The View

 
She used to have a bra hanging at the door for her to put on as soon as she got home. That isn’t in force these days, but Panties has learned to love being a 34-A and is getting used to waking and putting on her bra after changing out of her transvestite night clothes (nightgown, bra and panties) and understands those contours which girls get used to soon after puberty. Panties doesn’t breastfeed or shoot arrows, but just reading a book, she is aware of the different lines beneath her pink Barbie top. She likes the press of the bra straps on her shoulders and the tight band just below her armpits, always reminding her.

Eunuch

 
Miss D knows about Panties’ pink leotard, but she has requested she order a unitard. She said, “I’ll look very sharp in my black unitard and you’ll look silly in pink. You can also get yourself one in nude so that you look like a eunuch when you work out. Don’t you look like a eunuch under your panties?" Then one morning Panties was lying in her Barbie sheets when she heard Miss C call from her bedroom: “Bring me my coffee, eunuch.” She often picks up this train of thought as if working out some amusement she and Miss D have discussed: “I don’t think of you at all sexually, below the waist. I think of you as a eunuch, with just enough down there to release your waste and cleanse yourself.” Later Panties found a pink post-it lettered neatly in Miss C’s handwriting: Eunuch - How does one adjust to life as a eunuch? What are the benefits of being a eunuch?

From Her Bedroom

 
I read the note from Linda.

Panties, she is correct in positing that you are out of line by asking or
even considering Miss C or me to be your girlfriend. However,
given that I do not want you to think of me sexually, as I in turn do
not think of you as anything other than a eunuch sissy servant, it would
not be proper for you to see either of us have sex--even if it would
put you in your place. I do not want you to do anything to any man I
am with; I do not want my men to be tainted by a sissy.
Is it possible that I am working on a punishment to take place
during our trip? What do you think that punishment will be?
Do you want to try to pass as a girl at a foot fetish party? Do you
want to tie yourself to a cage at the club R. in B.? Do
you want to meet with (important contact), while wearing falsies? Do
you want to wear a very lacy bra under a thin shirt and thong under
tight aerobic pants? Do you want to send me the cell phone numbers of
three pretty girls I've never met who you are interested in
impressing?

Miss D

Letters

 
Linda writes:

You have not given your readers any updates on your pads, panties, and periods lately. Don't you think you should always describe whether or not you are having your period with any update. Would love to hear a description of changing your pad in a ladies room with Ms. D waiting for you to finish. I hope you wrap it carefully in toilet paper and deposit it in the proper container.

When you tried to tell her that you wanted to be her boyfriend, she should have punished you severely. No sissy should ever expect that of his dominant mistress. She was correct to tell you that the closest you could expect to come was to kiss her panties.

Maybe someday, she will deliver the ultimate punishment to you as she secures you to a chair and has sex with a real man in your presence. Maybe then you can clean up both of them and suck his cock to make it erect for the next session.!

Day 4

 

Date Panties

 
“I’m the nicest of your trainers,” said Miss D, I don’t want to punish you.“I give you rewards if you behave well. So it’s in your best interests if you do everything I say.” She is a very kind girl and no where near as lethal as Miss B say in regards to dating. And it was Surf Barbie who assigned the Date Panties which Panties so loathed wearing when she was out on a “date.” She hated how the panty was cut, almost like a thong, constantly riding her in back, and ridiculing her at the front. When she went to the bathroom, they taunted her with their polka dots and bulk which she could feel under any costume. Panties worried that anyone could feel or even hear them when she had them on. Worst of all, Panties realized that if she somehow ever managed to find a truly intimate moment with a girl, there was no way should could pretend these were anything other than panties. So when Miss Lee agreed to meet Panties for dinner, Panties slipped them on only after Surf Barbie reminded her harshly about how she really wanted to be honest with Miss D. Miss D never takes Panties’ dates very seriously, and Panties was relieved not to get a call from her during the course of the evening. There was a text, however, asking her to send her a photo of her date panties and lightly suggesting that Miss Lee might like to know about them. Next time, maybe.

Swimsuit

 
First it was Miss J who had her try on the pink bikini in the large communal dressing room and later made her come down to the pool like that. Then there was the game Miss B liked to play ordering her into the tub in her pink bikini. Miss D knows all of this of course. Recently she commented: “It must be humiliating these things being done to you, and humiliating that I know about it. Maybe I'll have (Miss C) reenact some of Miss B’s trainings... I’m going to put you in a pink bikini too.”

Play With Dolls

 
Miss D made a startling remark about one of Panties’ Barbies, something like how she would punish that particular doll as a representation of Panties. Panties hadn’t realized the significance of which of her many Barbies Miss D had chosen to be Panties’ doll self which was significantly more modest than the special dolls representing her beautiful trainers. Recently, Miss D and her BFF Miss R were having fun with the resplendent Sun and Moon Barbies. Miss C once wondered at Miss D’s enthusiasm for Panties’ Barbie training. The corners of Miss D’s mouth often pull up in a tiny smile as when she was recalling one of Miss B’s remarks on Panties’ efforts to impress women:

Do you think they will be impressed by your large collection of Barbies?